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How to ruin a 6-year-old’s enthusiasm on a 5k run/walk

Kid: Piggyback me! Piggyback me!

Me: I can’t piggyback you.

Kid [jumping up and down]: Piggyback me! Piggyback me!

Me: I can’t piggyback you this year.

Kid [grabbing my arm]: Piggyback me! Piggyback me!

Me: Have you gained weight? You must be at least 50 pounds more than you were last year.

Kid: I’m 40 pounds now.

Me: Exactly. Last year you were like what, minus 10 pounds? That’s why I could carry you—you were actually helping me.

Kid [pinching my hand]: Piiiiiiiiggy back me!

Me: I hurt my foot last year, I can’t piggyback you. 

Kid: Piggyback me! Piggyback me!

Me: If I piggyback you for the whole race I will probably need surgery.

Kid: Piggyback me! Piggyback me!

Me: Okay, don’t you think you’re being a little selfish here? If I put you on my back it’s very possible that I will completely rupture my tibialis posterior tendon. Do you know what that means? It means that I will have to go to the hospital. They’re going to cut my leg open, and rip out what’s left of that tendon. Do you know what a tendon is? You see how you can move your small toes separately from your big toes?

[I make a motion with my hand, moving my thumb separately from my other fingers]

Tendons do that. Now they’re going to rip out a good tendon—the one that moves my small toes, and they’re going to put it my ankle where they just removed the broken one, then they’re going to screw it in place with screws. Then they’re going to take the tendon that moves my big toe and attach it to the short piece of the tendon that they didn’t remove, which moves my small toes. So after four months of painful recovery whenever I try to move my big toe, the rest of my small toes will move too. All the time. Just like this.

[I make a motion with my hands where all my fingers move together]

kid: I’m tired. Let’s go back.

Posted in Blog, Fitness | 2 Comments

2 Responses to "How to ruin a 6-year-old’s enthusiasm on a 5k run/walk"

  1. Um…this traumatized me a bit.

  2. Poor William…. You should know better by now, bring an effing wagon!

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