This is how the eff you do Ikea!

Step one: Pack the effing car.

Step two: Make sure the effing car isn’t a safety hazard.

Step three: Adjust the effing radio. Watch for the effing box.

Step four: Drive the couch effing home without missing an effing shift.

Step five: Stop outside your apartment and open your effing doors.

Step six: Push the effing box out of the effing car.

Step seven: Push the effing box up the effing stairs.

Step eight: Place the effing box where the effing couch is going.

Step nine: Pour an effing glass of effing wine from a bottle that effing leaks through the weirdest effing chip in the effing bottle.

Step ten: Open the effing boxes.

Step eleven: Assemble the effing couch.

Step twelve: Look at the effing couch you put together.

Step thirteen: Christen the effing couch!